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How To Make Presidential Speeches More Interesting

Not much of a political fanatic? Not one to speed home so you don't miss the new presidential address? I'm sure you aren't alone. While I am not an obsessed fan of politics myself, it doesn't mean I dont try to keep in touch with what is going on in the political world. I did vote after all and the last thing anyone wants to do is make an uninformed decision that could affect the entire country. (ahem)

The only issue with trying to keep up with political news is... well, have you ever watched a presidential address? God, can they be boring. Even the best orators can seem to drone on and on if the information they are giving just doesn't entice or interest you. And you've got to admit it, most of the things discussed in politics really isn't that enthralling. With President Obama being one of the more tech-savy presidents we've seen in a while, it isn't a surprise that he has his weekly presidential address hosted on youtube. This makes it easy for people to access and watch what he has to say to the country. Too bad not a lot of people seem to watch it.

Here is last week's presidential address:

Finding the address kind of boring and predictable, I decided I could help Obama out with some suggestions to spice it up. So what can the most important man in the country (and quite possibly the world) do to improve his views and maybe reach a wider audience? That is where my genius [sic] comes in.

So, President Obama, here is a short list of things you can do to spice things up and hopefully bring back some viewers.

1. Get an effective theme song

The introductions for each address are boring and predictable. No music, nothing fancy other than a white house logo being splashed on the screen. Any marketing professional would tell you that you are doing it wrong. So step it up and try out an intro theme song or something.

I'm not talking about the traditional "Hail to the Chief" or some boring, snooty song like that. You need something catchy and new that expresses the overall purpose of these weekly addresses. But where can you find this theme song? On youtube of course. You can find a plethora of user and artist created choices; some songs are rather good while others aren't really at all. In the end though, I'd probably stick with a real musical artist and pick something like LL Cool J's "Mr. President". It really hits the spot on the need of an open administration; something I hope President Obama will continue to improve upon.

Pull it off with an Ellen style dance introduction. Dancing into the room for the first minute or so before sitting down in your chair to address the nation. I know I'd watch (hell I'd pay to see) the president c-walk or dance to some catchy hiphop. Who wouldn't?!

2. Get a sidekick

Bush didn't need one because of his own ability to maintain a steady level of stupidity (earning not just a top 5 gaffe reel once, but twice!) but with someone as collected, cool, and professional as you, having a sidekick to distract from the bland topics at hand will not only help keep bored users watching, but may actually bring about some interesting new topics to discuss.

I'm not talking about turning all late night talk show or anything but taking some pages from their book may actually help. And luckily you don't have to go far to find your guy.

Joe Biden is a quality choice for this. Sure he is your Vice President but the guy is known universally for his gaffes and the amount of times he has had to put his foot in his mouth. They've even come up with a word for it: Bidenisms. Having him throw in some offhand comments every time you reach an awkward or depressing point in your speech may help transition to a new topic and distract your viewers enough to not notice the fact that you just used the word Muppet three times in the last minute while talking about the current state of the world banking system.

Hey, it's worth a try.

3. Hold a Raffle

Want to get people involved? Get people watching and wanting to do something? Give them a prize. Everyone likes free things and right now the government seems to really enjoy giving money away to our nation's corporations. So why not take a little bit of that bailout money and give it to the people directly? Place a clip at the end of your video address inviting viewers to call in to a number or visit a website to vote on some (not so) important choice. After you've racked up the views and the volunteer participation (something you seem to really want), you can even pull the old bait and switch and try to throw the winner off by giving them a crappy gift instead. Who is going to know any better? Only perhaps the entire world.

Some ideas for the Raffle prize:

A night in the Lincoln Bedroom (from back in the Clinton years).

A game of basketball with the President.
Nothing says "I'm the leader of the free world" like a hard elbow to your opponent's gut as your drive to the hoop.

A new car from a near bankrupt, taxpayer owned car manufacturer.
You know we deserve it. We are already paying for it anyways.

4. Bring this guy to every one of your speeches

How can we not watch someone talk about the sad state of the current economy without wanting to kill ourselves. Things are utter shit right now and you, I, and everyone else in the world knows it. Bring this guy with you to every one of your speeches and it is sure to not only increase your viewing numbers but will instantly make us feel better - even if we don't know why. You could give us the most depressing or boring speech to top all speeches and as long as this guy is bouncing around in the background, we'd still watch you with a dumb smile stretched across our faces.

That or it may just scare the shit out of old people and young children. Either way, I have two words for it: Quality Entertainment.

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