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True Deliciousness - The Bacon Chicken Narwhal

Tonight I had a moment of inspiration while cooking dinner. I was craving bacon really badly (as everyone does) so I decided to make some bacon wrapped chicken. However, to spice it up a bit, I wanted to do something fun and unique. So I took it to the next level. It was time for some Bacon Chicken Narwhal!

You can see more pictures of the Bacon Chicken Narwhal on Flickr: Click here

As excited as I was, I was barely prepared. Unfortunately, the camera I dug up had a dead battery that needed charging so I had no way to show how I made my little treat, but here is a break down.

Ingredients:
1 - Large (flat) chicken breast
5 to 6 - Pieces of DELICIOUS bacon
1 to 3 - Large slices of cut mushroom
1 - Scoop of sour cream
1 - Clove of garlic
2 - Slices of pepperoni lunch meet
1 - Block of pepper jack cheese
# - Mrs. Dash, Paprika, Various seasonings
1 - Box of tooth picks

Steps:
- Take a few pieces of bacon and cook on the stove top. Collect bacon grease and save for later.

Eat the bacon. Now you are ready to start.

- Mince garlic and any peppers you wish to put in your chicken.

- Take the chicken breast and beat it flat if it isn't. A mallet works well but I'm sure you all know how to beat your meat.

- Season both sides of raw chicken and lay out flat on one side.

(Using the image above as reference, the larger portion near the top will be the head of the narwhal. the skinnier bottom will be end tail.)

- Place sour cream, seasoning, and garlic along center length of the up-side of chicken breast.

- Bend the chicken chicken breast length wise like a hot dog and start to wrap the chicken in on itself.

This part is important because you will be making the basic shape of the BCN. Once you are satisfied, stick a few tooth picks into the sides to hold the basic shape into place. Keep the ends of the toothpicks exposed to help hold the bacon in place later.

- Take 1 piece of bacon and place lengthwise around the front tip of the Narwhal chicken. This underlying piece will act as the nose.

- Take remaining bacon and wrap around the chicken, sticking bacon through exposed toothpicks. I recommend starting at the bottom first and wrapping tightly so you can pull the chicken close and keep the true Narwhal shape.

- Take mushroom slice and cut to look like narwhal tail. If you don't know what a narwhal tail looks like, don't worry. Just cut motherfucker, cut!

- Shove end of mushroom slice into end of Bacon Chicken Narwhal. It will look like a mushroom tail. This is the holder for the finished tail section.

At this point I did what every good bacon loving Narwhal building cook would do... I poured some of that excess bacon grease on top of my BCN. I also placed some extra garlic pieces and mushrooms on top.

This is a shitty cellphone pic of my BCN before I cooked the bitch.

- Preheat Oven to 350 - 375 degrees (F). Place BCN on metal cooking pan and throw that bitch in the oven. Cook for around 50 minutes to 1 hour.


While your BCN cooks, it is time to get started on the flippers, tail, and horn.

Horn
- Take block of cheese and cut an appropriately sized chunk of cheese from it.

- Whittle down, cut, and shape the horn to a point.

- Shove toothpick into blunt end. Be sure to leave at least an inch of toothpick exposed.

- Wrap in paper towel and place in freezer until ready.

The extra cold environment will help keep the horn from going limp upon final presentation. (Don't want to disappoint the ladies).


Flippers and Tail
- Take 2 or 3 slices of pepperoni lunch meat and fold in half.

- I cut a small slice of cheese and placed in between but this is optional.

- Skewer folded pepperoni onto a toothpick.

- With 7 to 10 minutes remaining for cooking the BCN, throw this skewer into the oven with the BCN.


Bacon Chicken Narwhal!!!!
- After your BCN has finished cooking, take out of oven and remove excess garlic and mushrooms from top. Save for garnishing.

- Gently remove all toothpicks from your Bacon Chicken Narwhal. If cooked properly it should keep its shape.

- Remove pepperoni slices from skewer and cut slices in half. Partially fold open two halves of a slice and place around cooked mushroom in tail area. This is (what else?!) the tail.

- Cut vertical slits into either side of BCN. Be careful to not ruin your hard work. Slices should be no larger than 1/2 inch in size.

- Take two more pepperoni slices and shove pointed end into slits. If done right this will make the flippers.

- Cut mushrooms up to look like eyes, blowhole, whatever, and gently press into bacon skin. They should stick easily if you have good fatty bacon.

- Take cheese horn and stab into the nose tip of your Bacon Chicken Narwhal.


You are now done. Step back, take a look at your awesome work of art/food. Pick it up and make it swim through the air. Chase your girlfriend with it. Whatever. Then when done, enjoy a delicious Bacon Chicken Narwhal meal.


Hope you enjoyed my cooking tips. I know it is a bit long, but the end results can be awesome. If you like this project feel free to share with your friends and family. Feel free to also check out an Ad or two while you are at it. :)

You can see more pictures of the Bacon Chicken Narwhal on Flickr: Click here

128 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fuckin' narwhals!

Some of the pics on flickr look almost real. Nicely done.

Anonymous said...

Love it! You are a genius chef.

Oh--and I think it's 'whittle' and not the former.

Christopher G said...

Thank you for the correction. :D

djproben said...

This is great but it's much tastier if you use real narwhal rather than chicken.

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This is the best thing ever in the world ever.

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Reminds me of this.

Club Meatatarian said...

This is flippen awesome. I'm gonna go eat me some bacon narwhal!

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WOW! It's bea-yoo-ti-ful!

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Beaut!

Christopher G said...

Glad to see some more people finding this post entertaining and tasty.

I've been a little busy and unable to post lately; however, I have some more food projects lined up that I hope to try out soon.

cdc said...

Narwhals, they are narwhals!

Jonny H said...

Narwhal of death!!! It's gonna kill us!!!

mordicai said...

Lovely. Just lovely. Urk. Heart...attack...okay, it passed. Lovely!

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Ain't no sprouts on that bitch.

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Liekkkelig liten narkval!

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It's not a narwhal. It's a mutant ant..and he's the birthdayyy boyyyyyy

molls said...

excellent narwhal! you should submit it to a cookbook or a dudely magazine or something. bonus: i am not a spam bot.

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